Conversation Starting: The Rule of the Third

It might happen to you more than once in a day. You are at the grocery store to grab some produce and you find an attractive girl standing there thinking about snatching an item off of the shelf. Not knowing what to say, you point your cart toward the meat section, looking to counterbalance your lack of cajones. Later, you are in line to buy that food, and you see another beautiful girl standing there waiting with you staring at her watch. You glance again. It's that girl you've seen on facebook who's friends with two of your friends. They say she is a quality girl. Unfortunately, you aren't supposed to know that you know her friends. Ahh, if only you had an introduction, or a clever line to make a connection.

This is where the Rule of the Third comes into play. What is the rule of the third? It is a principle for conversation starting, with anyone really, but here we will look specifically guy-girl interaction.  The rule of the third goes like this:

"when starting a conversation, it is better to begin with something other than You (first) or her (second)."

Have you ever seen a group of people surrounding a statue pointing and making conversation? Or how about the crowd of folks talking at a party while watching a beer pong game? Or that boy and girl who swerve their heads and later make smiling conversation at the sight of a midget passing them on a bicycle? (I saw it happen yesterday). These scenarios tell us that there are, in fact, times when it is socially acceptable to talk to strangers. And secondly, that conversations are easier when it's about something outside of ourselves.

The other day, I was in a similar situation. I was in the back of the line for food when I saw a cute girl reading a billboard of announcements while waiting to pick up some food. I walked up to the billboard as if I were interested in it, glanced around for the most interesting posting, and came across a flyer with a picture of a cat who was listed at $30. It was mixed in with offers by businesses and job offers. And making sure not to stall too long, I said.

Me: "That's weird. I wonder how many people come up here looking for an animal."
Her: "haha I know right?  I saw that add and couldn't figure out why it was there."
We then briefly talked about who might buy the cat before I introduced myself and pretty soon we had a 10 minute conversation and lunch later.  Cha-ching!

    Why is this principle so effective?  I'll offer two suggestions.  1.  It allows you to talk without invading her comfort zone.  Not only will you be initially talking about something more interesting than your names and what she is doing there, you won't be infringing on her personal space.  Starting questions like "what's your name?" and "why are you here?" could send off an overly aggressive and invasive vibe. Not to mention those are standard, boring questions to begin with. 2.  It allows you to see if she's interested in having a conversation.  It's your way of throwing out a bbq chicken wing and seeing if she'll bite on it.  And who can resist a bbq wing?  Anyway, her first reaction should clue you as to how interested she is in talking with you.  There are some who won't talk back, and that's ok.  It's their loss for missing out such a magnificent lion as yourself.  But in most cases, they will talk back, and you if you stick with it, you will have a full on conversation.

Success is a few comments and questions away. Oh look! Did you see the newest post?